I'm a parent who shapes the character of my kids every day. But Proverbs 22:6 isn't relevant for my kids who are 5 and under. Most Bible translations say something like, "Train up a child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it when he is old." Parenting ministries and mom's groups have discussed this verse to no end. Unfortunately, most of them were never told what it originally meant.

"Train up a child" isn't talking about disciplining your toddler. Now Proverbs 22:15 does talk about that 9 verses later, but it uses a completely different term for "discipline" and for "child." If you go to an online Bible concordance like www.studylight.org (my favorite), you can use the interlinear Bible to find out the Hebrew word translated "train." When you look up that word, you'll find that it's used only 4 other times in the Bible as a verb and 8 times in noun form. Every use of that word refers to initiating or dedicating something for a unique purpose (such as dedicating the Temple). Corresponding words in Egyptian, Akkadian and Aramaic confirm this ancient near eastern meaning. So what?

The evidence demonstrates that common interpretations have got it all wrong. Proverbs 22:6 does not command people to discipline or teach their children a certain way. There should be no debate about whether the passage instructs parents to either teach children the way of wisdom, righteousness and life or teach them according to their personalities, capacities and temperament. Both interpretations are wrong.

Initiation Rites for Future Leadership Roles

Proverbs 22:6 actually commanded wealthy parents of great status to initiate their adolescents into societally significant roles they were to play. The word translated "child" in most Bibles actually refers to adolescent or teenage squires who would take on prominent roles in the royal court. Hebrew does have words for "children" in general (e.g., yeled), but Proverbs is specifically addressing sons with significant status using the term na'ar (see Hildebrandt, "Proverbs 22:6a: Train up a child?," Grace Theological Journal, 10-14). Proverbs 22:6 wants to make sure that such children of privilege were ushered into their responsibilities properly. Such instructions targeting wealthy children are not unusual in Proverbs. Most proverbs were wise sayings taught to wealthy adolescent males in the royal court. In fact, the immediate context of Proverbs 22:1-9 contains many Proverbs targeting that wealthy audience.

Once you know these facts, Proverbs 22:6 is better translated: "Initiate a wealthy young man into his proper role and when he is old, he will not depart from it." It's not talking about disciplining a 3-year old. So I go elsewhere for advice on that (see Proverbs 22:15 and 29:15 where parents are told to discipline and prevent their privileged children from getting their own way). Proverbs 22:6 is, however, telling me how important it is to initiate my children into distinguished roles that they will play in life.

When my kids are ready for higher levels of responsibility (in the adolescent years and beyond I suppose), I will look for opportunities to mimic the ancient royal courts and the privileged parents who initiated young squires. The proverbial principle is translatable even though the original context of courts and squires has disappeared long ago. I guess that could mean honoring my kids when they get their first leadership position or first degree or when they master a skill that can greatly benefit others. These significant rites of passage deserve personalized graduation ceremonies of sorts. No matter what specific rites of passage you might choose, the goal is to recognize and dignify every esteemed role that children take on in hopes that they will continue down that path the rest of their lives.

It is hard to follow an idea. Ideas don’t go anywhere. It is much easier to follow directions.

If we only define Jesus by who he is rather than what he does, we lose the ability to imitate him. You cannot follow a person who is just standing there being himself. If you daily imagine Jesus as a heavenly being standing in the clouds in all of his eternal perfection rather than a man on mission, you’ll be left taking clues for how to make your next move from everything but Jesus himself.

That’s why my entire book Reenacting the Way (of Jesus) focuses on Jesus’ movement. We decipher the meaning of his most mysterious actions. And we find that his actions are not superfluous connecting material between teachings. His actions were making profound statements in and of themselves. He was challenging and changing the world by what he did. And he was setting an example for all who would follow him.

If we are going to honor Jesus, we must begin to reenact his way of doing things. We must find creative ways to be faithful to his example. Jesus understood the symbolism of wine and water in his culture. He knew what pigs and storms meant to pagan regions around the Galilee. He didn’t take deformities and debilitating diseases at face value. He used their cultural significance to his advantage and took action. We must do the same today.

For the rest of this post, go to my full post on the Catalyst blog.

"I wish someone would have taught me that when I was younger." These words spoken by a friend of mine yesterday remind me of the root of all our problems. Although these words came out of a conversation about freedom being both a privilege and a responsibility, they led us to a conversation about moms and dads. It is my deep and well-researched conviction that the root of all our problems is the break down of the family.

The social problems I have been researching at work and the people I have been personally counseling in the past week have a common denominator. The criminal activity, abandoned children, educational underperformance, lack of life skills, addictions, poor mental health, etc. all have links back to dysfunctional families. When I spent 6 months investigating potential solutions to outstanding problems among the poor in Fort Worth, it was the same. I concluded that "Fatherlessness" is the most critical need to fill.

Parents have the power to build character, confidence, wisdom, life skills, contentment, and all the other essential elements for healthy human beings. Or the absence of engaged parents (with wisdom and values to transfer) can strip a person of the necessary foundations for life. The biblical pattern for developing right character and love and justice and wisdom is simple but missing from most people's lives: "teach your children by talking to them when you sit in your house, walk around, lie down and get up" (Deuteronomy 6:7).

If you are a parent, you can change the world one day at a time. Don't let your child tell some future friend, mentor or judge, "I wish someone would have taught me that when I was younger." Dysfunctional families might be the root of all our problems, but positively that means healthy, intentional families can be the solution to all our problems. It's a bold statement, but truer than you first realize.